Racing.

I know people will want to know so i will talk about it.

IT WAS WORSE THAN I COULD EVER HAVE IMAGINED.

Actually I have an overly active imagination, so this is probably not true. (We did not flip.) We DFL'ed and it was bad. Two show stopping places that were verifiable terrible. I actually thought to myself during the sprint, I have got to make this better and I was unable to rescue it. But I was in control of everything I did, so I probably could have done something different.

There is one positive thing to come from this. The first thousand was relatively good. I kept wondering why was it the first half that i was okay. and the second half that I usually rock, why was that so bad? Then I realized All my other races I always have my faith very involved. But today as soon as we hit a rough spot around the thousand My faith was out of the boat and anxiety took over and I accepted it and went with it. I cant row from anxiety, not well. Every erg test i have ever taken that anxiety was allowed to linger in my mind resulted in things bad.

This race was so bad that afterward I went crying to God asking if I was really supposed to be here. Yes. Yes I am supposed to be here. This summer isn't about rowing as much as it is about learning peace. I have got to learn to live life centered in peace. Why are there so many mental disorders? Why are so many people on anti-depressants? I think it has to do with the mental battle we all face. Where the mind goes the man follows. I have been fighting against fear, anxiety, doubt, worry, feelings of failure, hardcore failure. I have allowed my body to follow my mind. I re-read a blog posting I wrote shortly after finishing crew with SPU. How as a team we rowed from a place of peace and confidence in each other. When I lose this base my performance slips it is because the body has followed the mind.

So what am I going to do? I am going to get ready for it. This is war.

The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Phil 4:5b-7

Once during an erg test I started to mentally lose it and I said in my head, "God I dont think I can do this." and I heard the following words: I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU. and i heard this two more times during that test and I got my best erg score ever. Because when the Lord is at hand I do not have to be anxious for anything. He's here. Its going to be okay. I have experienced this.

This is what I know this is what I will do. Next time in the double the coach will never tell me it looked like I stopped racing.

that you may walk worthy of the Lord, fully pleasing Him, being fruitful in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;

0 For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.

Walk through the competition. --Amy Burns